she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
