I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
