you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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