just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
