Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
