I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
