where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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