Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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