im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
