Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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