I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
