he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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