I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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