everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
