We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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