He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
