whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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