Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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