i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
