I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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