Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
