Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
