You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
false alarm, still single
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
