Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
