You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What a dumb baby whore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
