mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I puked a lego.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize