I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
