the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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