It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
