I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
