She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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