She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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