nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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