whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
