look no pants
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
