Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
