I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
