One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
