so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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