I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
