I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
