i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
