I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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