I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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