i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
