If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
