even my farts smell like vagina
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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