I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
