His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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