My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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