were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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