They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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