I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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