I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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