I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
