I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
