East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
