no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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