i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
