I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
