Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
