Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
