You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
