Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i've created a new STD.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
