just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
