how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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