Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
