member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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