i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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