Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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