Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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